I have tried to really get back into all my online accounts lately. My fanfiction account, my lj, my deviant, my website, facebook, my nex, all frickin 5 of my e-mail accounts... see i have this tendency to just well cut myself off from humanity, and my online status is always the first thing to suffer when it comes to this...

anyways, i always look around on here and see what wonderful art people have been posting and feel a little jealous... why can't i post things like that... it's not like i have no talent at all... why am i not posting anything besides my lunch hour doodles or scribbles from meetings, or crappy sketches done during class?

There is a simple answer of course... fear... and not just one type of fear, but a whole slew of different fears...

what if people don't like the work i really do? what if people do like the work i do? what if in posting it, it becomes stale? what if it becomes unoriginal? (I have always prided myself on my originality... not that it's never been done before, as so many things have, but it's never been done like anything i've ever seen before... i like being different)... what if in posting it i am no longer different? no longer unique?

i have been drawing and painting ever since i could hold a pencil/paintbrush, i have been sculpting since late elementary school, and taking photographs since high school...

i have, believe it or not, work upon work upon work hanging around in my place, in my parents place... and for the most part, most of it has never even been seen by anyone other than myself, and my teachers... i just never like too...

i have gotten better over the past years i guess... i have been in two shows to date, and an going to be in another one hopefully in a month... but still i feel awkward and embarrassed about my work being up...

like it will never be enough... like i will never be enough... like-oh sh1t! my laundry's done! i must rescue it before someone throws it on the floor so they can use the machine!

anyways, until the next chance i get to analyse my dark cold soul, i remain, as always,

Little Dumpling,
the depressing art student